Things behind(depression), things ahead(so much more)

     I guess this is more for me than anyone else, but it helps to publish it.  I have been in a constant state of writers block due to my just as prevalent state of depression.  I have learned that I have to want to keep moving forward in a process of healing in order to be helped and healed.   I can't be helped if I don't want it.  It is an ongoing battle to have the desire to keep going, but I'm done feeling that way.  I want to live a life worthy of a history book.  Okay maybe not a history book, but definitely a life that is not lacking in fruitfulness and love for others.  That love comes from God.  Is it possible to love others, or even love yourself, without knowing the love of God?
  
     I don't want to be a victim of my past anymore.  My parents didn't have anyone to help them move on from their pasts, so they didn't and they carried on the abuse.  It stops here.  I pray for healing for both of them.  It has taken me a very long time to come to a place of forgiveness, but I think I am there.  I want them to be able to move on and be healed from whatever abuse occurred in their childhoods. 

I am not broken.  I am whole in Jesus Christ.  That's my prayer for them and anyone else with a past that is still haunting them.

Breathtaking beauty---The World Through My Eyes

So I started this thing because I wanted to have a voice.  I'm not really sure what my voice will say though.  I hadn't really gotten that far.   Mostly, I think of something awesome to write about and hope that people will care enough to read it and by reading it be inspired in some way.  I don't expect anyone will be 'inspired' by this post, however, because I'm mostly just rambling.  I guess I just want people to see the world through my eyes, but I don't know how to let them except through my writing. 
Sometimes I see something beautiful and I feel like I could conquer anything.  I can't describe the feeling with words.  I guess maybe I can try to explain what I mean.  I absolutely LOVE looking up and seeing hot air balloons crossing the summer sky with scattered white clouds intermittently painted across the wide blue expanse.  I find that view breathtaking.  In that moment, I'm in awe of God the amazing painter.  Have you ever looked at all the intricate details of nature and said 'God isn't real?'  It's impossible for me to see something so beautiful and not believe in the Creator. 
I also think that the refining of a life through the fire is rich and beautiful.  Although going through the fire is painful, coming out on the other side, refined like gold, is totally worth it.  When you are in the middle of it, you might not think that because being in pain sucks.  Believe me when I say I know how you feel.  Just wait, cling to God in those painful times.  Don't cling to worldly things because they will not help you come through on the other side of the fire.  Only God can do that.

Keep moving forward---try not to get stuck in a rut.  If you do, don't beat yourself up.  Just try and climb out, keep trying until you do.


   

Forgiveness

So I was thinking today a lot about forgiveness and what it means.  I'm sure everyone has someone in their life who they have had, or are having a hard time forgiving.  Someone has surely let you down.  I mean we are all human.  It's going to happen, sadly.  There is a song that goes:

It's the hardest thing to give away
And the last thing on your mind today
It always goes to those who don't deserve
It's the opposite of how you feel
When the pain they caused is just too real
It takes everything you have to say the word  
Forgiveness
Forgiveness
It flies in the face of all your pride
It moves away the mad inside
It's always anger's own worst enemy
Even when the jury and the judge
Say you got a right to hold a grudge
It's the whisper in your ear saying 'set it free'
Forgiveness
Forgiveness
Forgiveness
Forgiveness
Show me how to love the unlovable
Show me how to reach the unreachable
Help me now to do the impossible
Forgiveness
Forgiveness
Help me now to do the impossible
Forgiveness
It'll clear the bitterness away
It can even set a prisoner free
There is no end to what its power can do
So let it go and be amazed
By what you see through eyes of grace
The prisoner it really frees is you
Forgiveness
Forgiveness
Forgiveness
Forgiveness
Show me how to love the unlovable
Show me how to reach the unreachable
Help me now to do the impossible
Forgiveness
I want to finally set it free
So show me how to see what your mercy sees
Help me now to give what you gave to me
Forgiveness
Forgiveness
Forgiveness
Forgiveness

I'm not going to lie, I have a hard time knowing how to forgive.  I know why I should, but 'how' is a whole different ball game.  How do you let go of the hurt they caused?  Only by the grace of God will I be able to do this.  How does God forgive so easily?  I don't know, but I hope one day to forgive like He forgave me.
This song is so true - every word.  You feel better once you have forgiven because you don't have to hold on to that very heavy burden.  Unforgiveness is a burden.  It drags you down and chains you to whoever you can't forgive.  Once you forgive, your chains are gone, you've been set free. 

I want to be set free.


Bethany A. Ruggles-Geesey 
 

Voices

I've recently started to discover what my voice is in this world.  I can write what I'm thinking a whole lot better than I can say it out loud.  Anyone else?    People say I'm quiet.  Well I am, but only with people I don't know.  I wrote this a little over a year ago while watching the singing show The Voice, after someone told me, yet again, that I am 'so quiet'.
  The Voice
Having a voice doesn't mean you need vocal chords
Having a voice doesn't mean you need words
Having a voice means standing up for yourself
Having a voice means not sitting on a shelf
Making yourself heard doesn't take sound
Express yourself using what you've found
helps you get your point across
Introverts find it easier to write
Extroverts might talk to anyone in sight
A loud voice is not required to put your opinions out there
Speaking up doesn't have to involve raising your voice or using more air
My voice can be heard
because people stop and listen as if it were a bird
tweeting its soft lyrical tune
in the morning and afternoon
and I make that my voice

Find your voice, hold on to it tight, and use it to help others.